LOST CELL PHONE IN YOUR CAR
Have you ever … lost your cell phone in the car?

You’re driving along and pulled out your phone to make a call, only to drop it.  You fumble with trying to catch it as it’s flying through the car.  “Aaaaagh!”  It lands on the center cup holder section of the car. “Whew - that was close!”  Next, you reach over to grab the phone, but knock it off and of course it flies toward the crack between your seat and the cup holder.  You lunge as quickly as you can but miss the phone as it heads down the crack.  “Crap!”  You glance down the crack and see the phone stuck on the seat post.  You think, “Ah, I can reach that!”  So, now you reach your hand down the side of the seat until it gets wedged right where your finger tips just touch the phone.  You think, “Yes --- I’m going to get it!”  You try several times but just can’t get a grip.  You get it once and it starts to slide up the seat wall.  “I’m going to get it.  I’m going to get it. I’m going to get it!”  Then, the phone slips!  “Uuuggghhh!”  You reach down one more time and “oops!” you knock the phone down the rest of the way.  You try one more time to reach the phone.  You wedge your hand so deep that you touch the phone, but now your hand is stuck.  So, here you are driving down the highway with your hand stuck between the seats!  That’s going to be an interesting story to tell the officer when he pulls you over.  “Yes sir.  I know you shouldn’t text while driving.  I wasn’t texting.  Honest.  I was trying to make a call.  No sir, not from under the seat…” 

Anyway, now your phone is under the seat as you’re traveling 70 mph down the highway and of course it starts to ring!  “Crap!”  It’s that phone call you have been waiting on for two hours!  The call for that opportunity that only comes once in a lifetime!  You think, “I have to answer that phone!”  You frantically reach down between the seat but cannot reach the phone.  You try to reach under the front of the seat but there is no way to contort your body enough to reach it from that angle while driving down the highway.  So, you slam on the brakes and pull over to the berm.  You open the door as fast as possible.  Horns blast as you just miss getting hit by a car or worse having the door ripped off your car!  You go for the phone from the front seat.  “Bam!” You hit your head on the steering wheel.  Phone is still ringing!  “Crap!”  You reach under the seat but can’t find the phone.  You jump out and run to the back door.  From the back seat you see that the phone got wedged just under the floor mat when you slammed on the brakes!  “Uuuughhh!”  You rush back to the front seat, flip over the mat, and grab the phone as it shines “Missed Call.”  “Noooo!”  You check, but the phone number is blocked!  “Aaaaaaghh!”  You missed the phone call of your life!

Dejected, you get back in the front seat, slam the door, and drive off in a fowl mood.  Ten minutes later the phone rings again.  This time you pull over to a safe area and answer the phone.  “Oh! Hi, Mom.  What’s up?”  “I’m over at Aunt Edna’s house.  I tried to call you earlier but it just kept ringing.  You okay?”  You start to say, “Did you know you almost killed me?” but realize that your opportunity is not lost and instead say, “Yea, my phone was under the car seat,” to a bewildered mother as you hang up!  And, you vow to get an ear bud.

WAYS TO EAT CORN
Have you ever … wondered how many ways there are to eat corn? 

Here’s what I’ve come up with:

1. Eating corn from a can --- of course it’s probably better to empty it into a microwave safe bowl and heat it first!
2. Frozen corn is kind of hard.  Oh yeah!  That’s right.  They told me to heat these too!
3. Corn on the cob is the best!  Let see.
   • You can eat 3 or 4 rows at a time.
   • You can eat 1 row at a time.  It takes longer but you don’t get as much stuck in your teeth!
   • You can cut it off the cob and eat it in “slabs” of 4 to 5 rows stuck together.  Hands are still a good option here.
   • Eat circles around the cob until you make it all the way across.  Alternate the eating pattern and you’ll get some interesting designs!
   • Any of these options with butter and salt is fine.
   • Of course you can attempt to use “holders” stuck in the ends.  I haven’t had much luck here.  First, I normally burn my hand holding the cob so tight while trying to get them in.  Next, the one on the skinny end always seems to break off and I lose the corn in my mash potatoes or worse, on the floor!  I normally just let the corn cool a little and use my hands.
   • You can eat corn on the cob roasted or grilled too.  But be sure to remove the husk or you’ll get the hair stuck in your teeth – believe me, I know!
   • Caution! Never try to swallow one whole – unless it’s one of those cocktail size ones.  Of course, eating a few rows at a time on those is hilarious!
4. There are all the choices of popcorn too:
   • Buttered, butter lovers, light butter, salted, unsalted, caramel, etc.  I even saw a "Buffalo Wing & Blue Cheese" flavor at kukuruza.com. 
   • Eating it by the handfuls, one at a time, one at a time tossed in the air, a handful tossed in the air.  Oops! That didn’t work very well. 
   • Did you know they even have a popcorn festival in Marion, Ohio each year!
5. There’s eating corn in other foods:
   • Corn bread --- I like to see the corn inside!
   • Corn dogs --- I still don’t know how they do that!
   • Succotash --- that's lima beans and corn.  Now that’s a dish you don’t hear about every day!
6. And of course my favorite --- candy corn!  I like the yellow, orange, white ones the best!  I’m not sure why they make different colors.  I even saw them with blue middles this Halloween.  The best part of the candy corn is biting off the tips and sticking them to your front teeth!

As you can see, there are many ways to eat corn and likely many that I missed.  So, I hope I didn’t “cornfuse” you too much.  Anyway, enjoy eating corn your favorite way!

REFILLED A SOAP DISPENSER
Have you ever … refilled a soap dispenser?

First you take the lids off and notice that the refill bottle hole is five times as large as the opening for the dispenser, so you can’t just line them up and do a direct transfer.  So, you tip the refill slowly and get a nice flow going and then an air bubble “burps” in the refill bottle and you get soap all over the place!  Uuuugghhh! 

You set the refill down and work on cleaning the dispenser.  First you use your hand to wipe off the soap.  Talk about tricking your mind -- your hand feels “dirty”, but it is soap!  You use a hand towel to finish the cleaning and now you are back to the filling process.  Everything is going well, but you can’t see how high the soap is so you keep going until all of a sudden it flows over the top.  Aaarrrgh!

You pour some of the soap from the dispenser into the refill bottle and clean the dispenser off again.  Now you place the top of the dispenser on and soap oozes out all over the place again.  Aaaaahhh!  You didn’t account for the room the top takes up within the dispenser! 

You pour some more soap out of the dispenser.  Now you clean the dispenser a third time --- at least it is very clean!  By now you’re thinking, I’m just going to spend the extra few bucks to buy those plastic dispensers each time!

Note: for best results, hold the refill bottle about two-inches above the dispenser – this especially works for ones with very small holes.  You really have to hit it just right.  Good luck and thanks for being so clean!

ANCIENT CIVILIZATIONS DIGS
Have you ever … wondered why we dig up ancient civilizations?  How did they get buried in the first place?  I guess this is why your mom taught you to clean your room!  I mean -- is it as simple as they didn’t vacuum or swif?  Or, did the food source run out, they left, and the next group said, “Yuck!  Those are ugly.  Let’s just cover them with dirt and start over.”  Or did the whole city just sink in the ground?

EXPLODING BAG OF M&Ms
Have you ever … opened a bag of M&M’s and had it explode everywhere?

What was your first thought --- should I pick them up and eat them or throw them away?
How could you EVER think of throwing away an M&M?  They are like gold! 

So, what do you do? 
Do you put them back in the bag with the “clean” ones or separate them into a Ziplock bag?

Then you have to decide --- do I eat the “clean" ones or the "dirty" ones first?  A delayed gratification kind of thing!  This decision depends on where the M&Ms landed.  Oh, they just landed on the clean floor --- five-second rule!  Oh, they just landed on my brother's bedroom floor --- aaauugghhh, get out the gloves!

Of course you can try to clean the dirty ones:

• You can't put them in the dishwasher -- believe me!
• Running them under water makes your hands nice colors but still not right!
• So, you get a napkin and start cleaning them one at a time.  You may even add that extra buff like polishing the car!  Then you realize -- boy this is taking too long.  So you put about 10 in a napkin at once and rub them a little.  "That ought to do it!"  Finally you just give up and eat the dirty ones.  I mean how bad can they really be?  They are shielded by that candy coating.

THEN --- RIP, there goes another bag!  Uuugghhh!  Well at least you know to just toss them back in the bag and skip all the trouble of cleaning them.

FORGOTTEN DEODORANT
Have you ever … finished getting dressed and realized you forgot to put on deodorant?

Do you:
1) Remove shirt & apply deodorant
2) Leave shirt on & apply deodorant
3) Go without deodorant
4) Remove all clothes & start the day all over

#2 sub-options:
2a) Reaching under the shirt
2b) Reaching through neck hole in shirt
2c) Apply deodorant to outside of shirt

Answers may vary based on time of year.  In winter, you may choose 2a or 3 since you have too many layers to remove.  The real challenge for 2a or 2b is using your non-dominant hand.  You might get the deodorant up there but then can’t move your hand to apply it.  I guess that means that one pit may end up covered and the other one not.

Anyway, there is no right answer, only what works best for you!